Sara Ramirez AfterEllen interview

AfterEllen: Callie recently came out to her dad and it didn’t go so well. A huge portion of our readership has experienced that, or is gearing up for coming out to family. What was it like to portray that dynamic?
Sara Ramirez: It was really heavy. I was really impressed and grateful it got as much time as it did on the show. It’s emotional any time you risk losing your family. When you cut that umbilical cord you really are on your own. When you have to make a choice to love yourself for who you are and keep your integrity versus appeasing your parents, you must choose yourself first. You must love yourself first. Unfortunately that can mean saying goodbye to a parent. That is frequently the parent’s choice, not the child’s. When a parent gives an ultimatum, they are making the choice.
Even if you don’t have your parent’s support you need to know that there are a slew of people out there who are sometimes better family than your own family. There is an alternative, plenty of family out there. Sometimes they just aren’t blood related. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with.

I never thought I'd ever see anybody voice my exact thoughts on family like that. Everything she said is literally what I think on the matter.

So why do I still feel guilty for thinking it? Could be the Asian-guilt thing. Could be the fact that it's been hammered into me how much family matters. And I do believe that, family does matter. But I also believe family doesn't always have to be blood. And I've been taught that. I have several uncles and aunts and people I consider to be cousins, that aren't actually related by blood or marriage. But I guess I'm talking about the core family. Not about who takes the father role, or the mother role, or the sister or the brother. But just, somebody who you know will love you, even when they hate you. People who wouldn't turn you away when you're being a complete ass to them. People that will give you the space when you need it. People who don't ask why until it's the right time to ask. And yes, even the people who would say "I told you so".

I want that. I don't know if I have that. Which is sad.
I love my family (the one I was born into), but I don't know if I trust them all completely. There are very few people in the world that I do trust completely and they're always there for me. They say that friends are the family you choose, so I choose these people, my friends. They're my family. And for now, it's enough.