The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive

Two more months till my birthday. Yay!

And I only look forward to it because hello, turning 25. And hello, not one, not two, but three and a half frik-frakking holidays for me, :-D. I say three and a half because of the cottage holiday while I'm in the UK, lol.

I look forward to the UK holiday more because as I'm sure you all know, I consider it to be like going back home. No no, let me say that, it is going back home for me. I look at the pictures of my friends in London and I see the buildings and I'm thinking damn, I miss that. I miss being able to walk so freely.

That's the thing I noticed, the differences in how I walk in these two places. Here, I feel so stunted, constrained, wooden, disconnected. No matter what I do, or how long I've been here, and I've been here for the majority of my life, I still feel a great disconnection. Like I am parallel to it. But I feel no loss for it. And thinking of London, I remember walking on the streets, and I remember how my gaits were smooth, fluid and certain. Even when I didn't know where the hell I was going, I was still certain in taking the next step. Even though I know most of where I walk here, I feel unsure and so fucking anxious.
It may not be a big thing to you because jesus, it's about the way I walk. But you can still take it as a metaphor for how I feel about being here. How I am.

I've been hearing songs about going home, or missing it. So I'm just going to post lyrics right now 'cause I can't seem to find the words to say just how it aches.

Franklin

And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed
- Paramore

I'm Movin' On
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
- Rascal Flatts

This Is Home
I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone
- Switchfoot

Let That Be Enough
Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With no where to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sandcastles
Spend their time collapsing
- Switchfoot

Halfway Home
I'm halfway home and I'm on my own
I'm halfway there and I don't care, I don't mind
I plan to leave here after supper time
that's when traffic is light, all I need is a sign
and I'll be alright
I'll be fine
- Jason Mraz