February has arrived, and it is met with little fanfare. It feels surreal that it's actually February, and not the very first day of January. Just the other day, we were celebrating my sister's 35th birthday.
I had been thinking of birthdays recently and it kind of just struck me that I'll be here for my birthday. I'll be here.
And I don't know what to think of it, to tell you the truth. I have moments of being all shell-shocked about it. I'm not even sure how to feel about it.
A part of me feels happy that I will be here, with my family. But another part would love nothing more than to be elsewhere. Maybe I'm just being apprehensive about being around my family for my birthday again as I've been celebrating my last few birthdays on a smaller scale. But they brought me more joy than any other birthday I had here.
What does that really say about me?
The first time I celebrated my birthday there was for my 18th and my closest house-mates threw me a surprise party. I came downstairs to the living room to a shout of "Surprise!" and balloons everywhere. People may not know this about me, but I actually love surprises. Of the good kind, obviously. Any kind of bad surprises, I can work through, lol.
But back to my point, surprises like that rarely happened to me and I cherish that memory to this very day.
It wasn't my first surprise party though. I remember on a particular birthday, my sister took me out just for awhile. Shopping or something, I don't remember. And then when we came back, there was my mum telling me to go through the other door, and there was my family. All of my family.
It was the first time a surprise party my mum planned actually worked! Lol. Usually somebody will spill it somebody and then in the end, it's not much of a surprise. But this one did surprise me well.
I guess the reason I'm apprehensive now is because I wonder how different is it going to be now. It's an uncertainty I'm willing to face head on.
I think it's just because I've been talking to my friends a lot more lately, it just makes me realise how much I really missed them. I can only surrender to that feeling.
Been doing that a lot lately. Surrendering to the feeling.
Imperfectly
How can I help it if I'm high strung
if I was born with a sharp tongue
Will you marry me if I stay sweet
If I am the one with the cold feet
but I love you, I love you
Imperfectly, I love you
- Veruca Salt
if I was born with a sharp tongue
Will you marry me if I stay sweet
If I am the one with the cold feet
but I love you, I love you
Imperfectly, I love you
- Veruca Salt
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