*rolls-eyes*

I always seem to have to retract the break-the-glass-ceiling lesbian stuff. Well, what they consider to be breaking the glass ceiling anyway.

Lesbian kiss in Histeria = FAIL.
Apparently anyway.

There have been some that say that the kiss is there, but then there are other theatres that don't have it. Which is not really anything new I guess.

But still, FAIL.

And I am annoyed.

Oh dayum

Histeria... First Malaysian lesbian kiss on movie screens.
I repeat. Oh dayum!

While I agree that yes, there are such relationships that exist in boarding schools everywhere (but really boys, not just girls boarding schools, thankyouverymuch), but this is really way beyond breaking the glass ceiling. And I for one am not really looking forward to what the reaction might be. The actors' statements on the kiss itself is kind of lacklustre.

But despite that, it does look like the standard Malaysian horror film. Y'know, kind of awesome.

Food for thought.

My cousin just invited me to dinner and she was asking me about a salad I had made for her, her mum and her sister, when they came to visit me while I was back in the UK. She said that her mum kept on talking about it, and considering that her mum is kind of an awesome cook, it kind of feels nice to have my own cooking appreciated.
I know, I know. A salad? How hard can that be? But really, there is kind of a fine art to it. Like the many many different dressings you can choose to put on it. The croutons, and how you have to get them just right. Whether to go with seafood or poultry. What kind of herbs to use, if you want to use them, that is. And you know, the many vegetables that you actually want to put in the salad itself. Endless possibilities.
And call me a nerd, but I kind of like making my salad look good before eating it. Actually, that pretty much goes with any meal that I make. It makes me appreciate the food I order whenever I go to restaurants.

Thinking about it just makes me feel guilty because I didn't want to stop cooking when I got here. But I hadn't the chance to do it here. Mainly because it doesn't feel like my kitchen. I miss the days when I would just open up a kitchen cabinet and Ready Steady Cook my way around the kitchen. Only without the whole 30 minutes thing. Then to taste the food and actually discover that it's beyond delicious? It's a pretty nice feeling.

Not to mention the fact that when I was cooking for myself, I was almost always cooking healthier meals than the ones I'm eating now, lol. Even the snacks I had were ten times healthier. The only time I had any sort of junk food, was Saturday, because that's pizza night. And Sunday, because that's pizza morning. Call me a guy, but I love eating cold pizza in the morning, lol. Especially when it's Domino's pizza 'cause that's the only place I would order pizza from.
I miss Domino's pizza, :-(.

You would think I'd be hungry after talking about food, but I'm not, lol. It just makes me miss my kitchen even more. I miss that house. It was my home for a year and it had a lot of good memories. Ashley memories. Even some scary memories. I remember being woken up the house alarm just because the stupid electricity short-circuited for a second. And there was the time when I was chatting with my friend, and that earthquake happened. I thought I was going crazy, lol.
*sigh* I miss being there alot.

Goes to show, there is just no way I'm sticking around here for the rest of my life. I just can't.

Would you please...

I've been listening to this song on repeat these few days. I don't know why really, but something about it has been keeping me hooked on it.

would you please
let me slide a few words
under your door

the first three say "I love you,"
the last five "but I can't no more,"
I don't believe in miracles
no, not like I did before

and would you please
let me slide a few words
under your door
and would you please
yeah, try to understand

there's a paragraph or two
devoted to the memories that we shared
in the dramatized songs about
how there'll be no more memories
no more memories

and if you'll notice in the corner
there's a tiny little heart I've enclosed
like a little surprise (oh yes, I did)
and if you'll please ignore
the smeared, smudged writing
it came from the tears in my eyes

you're probably gonna get it
after a long day
you may not even believe it's true
I know you know, you know
you know my crazy ways

yeah, but sleeping beauty is going to bed
she put a little tiny hole in her own head
gotta find her own way home
before she's dead

before she's dead...

- Rachael Yamagata

*sigh*

TV rant... And spoilers, I guess.

That is not right. Y'know, Bryan Fuller has all these amazing shows and what happens to them?
Dead Like Me? Cancelled.
Wonderfalls? Cancelled.
Pushing Daisies? CANCELLED.

Dude, what's up with that? Yeah yeah, he's going to go write for Heroes. Whatever. I'm still not happy. Pushing Daisies is too awesome for words, and we get According To Jim being given an eighth season. EIGHTH. I almost wanted to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon after watching one episode of that. Don't get me wrong. I love Courtney Thorne-Smith. I love love Annie Banks (okay, her name is Dana in the show, but really, she'll always be Annie Banks to me)
But Jim? Seriously? It's not his looks, in case you think I'm going down the route of "How the hell did he manage to get Courtney Thorne-Smith?". It's the way he is. Women want to be married to that? Guys are like that?
I get it. It's supposedly funny because it's practically removed from reality. But helloooo, Dead Like Me? Behind the scenes on grim reapers. Wonderfalls? Girl can talk to psychic inanimate objects. Pushing Daises? Guy can resurrect the dead (albeit for only a minute). How much further removed from reality do you want?!

It's almost official that people don't realise the good things that are there in front of them. Stupid ratings.

Bother.

Oh and by the way, Heroes.
Tell me you did not just kill Elle. Tell me you didn't and maybe I'll forgive you. Tell me Sylar didn't actually just do what I think he did. Tell me anything except for the fact that Elle just fucking got killed off.
I know that Kristen has like stuff to do outside of Heroes, like the five films (awaiting for release, in post-production and currently filming) and Gossip Girl, and whatever else. But did you really have to kill her off?
She is the only character I actually like. Claire, I tolerate and everybody else is just plain annoying. And when I say everyone else, I really just mean, Peter, Hiro and Matt.
Tell me she's coming back and then I'll really forgive you.

Over-reacting? Whatever. Elle's my girl, she may have been damaged, but she totally should have been given the chance to redeem herself. From the interviews I've read, Elle just has to come back because the stuff that we had been promised to see, not so much of that popping up just yet.
So, dear TV gods, bring her back.

*sigh*

At least I'll be seeing Kristen in them films. I'm glad about that.

Bother.

I had something to blog about, but I thought I'd remember it. Should have realised that it would be a fleeting thought. Never mind. I guess for now, I'll just give you guys a link to go to.

White Knots

Prop 8: The Musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

<3

You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

A few days ago, it was my ex's birthday. I remembered only on the day itself, but it kind of explained some parts of why she's been on my mind alot lately. Why her face comes to me in dreams that are just never-ending. And it just, hurts. It pains me all over, fresh and bleeding out. Sometimes I can't handle that. I want to bury her deep down with every day that passes by.

Every time I see her face, I feel that little bit of progress being chipped away. And it just annoys me greatly.

What annoys me even more is that this is great fodder for my writing.

Stupid writer's need for angst.

Apart from that, things are steadily getting better the past couple of days. Taking time out for myself has been good and proved easier to get back into. Had to start locking my door so that nobody comes in and disturbs me. It feels good being in my own company and knowing that nobody's going to come barging in because really, not a lot of seem to understand the concept of knocking and waiting for the person to say "Come in" before actually coming inside.

Taking time out to meditate again does help too.

Anyway.

My niece's 1st birthday is coming up and I don't really know what I'm going to get her since she doesn't show much interest for anything except the TV's remote control though she doesn't actually watch TV, lol. Well, the thing she does show the most interest in, is food, lol. That's the thing about 1st birthdays, because they're half about the kid, and half about the parents. I figure I'll get something for her, and something for my brother and sister-in-law.

My cousin's 1st birthday is also coming up, before my niece's birthday. I have no idea what to get him either, lol. My sister would definitely be better at this than me. I'm looking forward to her visit. It'd just be good to have somebody to talk to at home. Somebody who actually appreciates space as I do.

Oh, The L Word coming back on the 18th January. Mark that date. Because from the spoilers and trailers, this season looks like a doozy.

There is no better thing than comfort when you didn't know how much you needed it.

These past few weeks have been mounting up to something volcanic. Inside of me, I don't know. It's like you don't realise how much you keep inside of you until it erupts. How much you keep inside because you're pushing it down for someone else, everyone else. And I'm disappointed with myself about that because I thought I was over that. It's proven to be a hard habit to break.

But I talked to a friend of mine the other day, and she helped me. She let me go on and on about the things that has been bothering me, without giving much comment. I felt so... relieved. And it just reminded me of how much I have forgotten about myself. I very nearly forgot my own priorities. I think in the deepest part of me, I knew it and I had been acting on that upset. Not as much as I probably could. Because I know getting angry wouldn't help. Because I know I would end up saying things I may mean, but would end up unnecessarily hurting a lot of people. I may be all for being honest with friends and family, but I learned that the right time to say most things is not in anger/fear. I learned to pick my battles, when to get in there and when to take a step back. I learned when not to poke at a bleeding wound.

It is nobody's fault though. Sure, there have been a few people that have annoyed me to a point where I want to renounce my non-violence streak. Like I said, it's been building up. And if anything, people have just been poking me at the wrong times, and that's not their fault that they didn't know. But if there were those that did not know, and kept poking at it anyway, then I don't know what to say really. I'm not really a revenge kind of person so it's not like I'd be doing it anytime soon. Everything takes it's due course eventually.

It's like we placed a card on top of another and then another, and before we know it, we made a house. It's letting somebody take the wheel without even really realising it. It's travelling on that part of my consciousness where I start doing something the one minute and next thing I know, it's two months later and I'm still doing the same thing.

What kind of life is that?