You're my whole heart

Dear you,

I miss you.

And god, I hate that I do. There's like this pull in my gut, a black hole inside of me. It prods and pushes like some sort of lion trying to get out. And I know it's because I'm not with you, wherever you are. But my mind tells me that I have no right to miss you. I let you go, so why should I? I'm the one who said that we'd be better off not being together, to make the pain more bearable. But either way, I still lose. Together or not, I'm still here, and you're still there.

I wonder what you're doing at night, whether you're thinking about me. And I know you tell me that you do. I believe that you do. A part of me wants to tell you to stop, that good part of me wants to tell you that it's best to not have any form of false hope. But that weaker part of me... Ironically keeps a strong-hold on me, keeping my mouth shut.

I remember days at a time when I didn't see you, and it didn't hurt so badly because I knew we would see each other again. It's because I don't know now if we would, it hurts.

I miss your friendship the most. I miss that when you look at me, you could tell when I'm feeling particularly down. You never say a word, you just hold my hand, squeezing to let me know that you're there. And it is in this time when I'm drowning in a sea of loss and confusion, it is this time that I need you the most.

I don't want you to do anything. I don't want you feeling guilty that I feel this way because you didn't make me feel this way. I don't want you trying to make some effort to call me, or write me back, or see me. This is just me, missing you. I just wanted you to know that. And that I still love you. Months have gone by, people have come and gone, I have loved others, but I still love you. I'm not asking you for anything, I'm not asking you to return that love back to me, or that you give me your heart, just that you read this, and know that I haven't forgotten you. And until the day comes when or if I do forget you, I will miss you. And I will love you.

That's all.