I don't know if y'all have noticed but my blogging has been taking a back-seat lately. It's mostly due to me wanting to spend time away from being online and blogging when I could actually be spending that time more productively like writing that script I keep meaning to write. So I'm declaring my first ever hiatus. But I won't be gone long... I think I just want to take a month or so away from blogging.
Parting thoughts?
It's okay to be sad. And it's okay to be happy. Nobody should make you feel guilty for feeling what you want to feel. But in doing so, have enough compassion in your heart to realize when something you say or do hurts somebody. Be mindful is what I'm saying. When we're completely wrapped up in our happiness or sadness, we tend to be reckless with our words and actions. We forget. It causes a chain reaction of ugly emotions that are ultimately unnecessary.
Life can throw you some serious sucker punches and you will have to take them on the chin. But no matter how strong they are, you will also find the strength to get back up. Have enough faith in yourself that whatever adversities that come your way, you will get through it.
You have to accept the places that life takes you, even when it's somewhere you don't want to be. And you accept it with a strong will. Because if you're just going to be wishing for or moaning about things, then you're failing the test. You can falter and you can want to give up as many times as you feel, but the fact that you don't and you just keep going, without complaint, you're letting life know that nobody messes with you.
Happy December every one.
Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy New Year.
I hope you will receive everything you ever wanted, and that I hope that at this end of the year, you find yourselves in the company of those that love you with all their hearts. And my wish for you is that this next year will bring you much joy, laughter and love. No matter what you think you know, you deserve it.
With all that I am, I wish you love,
Az
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Monday, 2 November 2009
I'm listening to: Emily Osment
Title: All the Right Wrongs (EP)Released: 26th October 2009
Label: Wind-Up Records
I think one of the many things I noticed about Emily's debut EP was the label. Because hello, it's the home of Evanescence. Finger Eleven, Seether, Hawthorne Heights etc. etc, so they have a good record of having bands that I would love. And I think it's admirable that she truly is branching away from Disney. To separate herself from being known as just Hannah Montana's BFF, Lilly Truscott/Lola Luftnagle.
So, I didn't really know what to expect with this EP. I have heard the songs that she sang for Disney and felt that they were just okay. But I wasn't a fan of her voice then because it was all very nasal. Like she didn't really know her voice just yet. I didn't harbour any thoughts as to what this EP would be like. The thought about getting it didn't even cross my mind. But I do follow her on Twitter and she always seems like a cool girl from her tweets and her musical tastes are definitely something I can appreciate. So I got curious about what kind of music she can churn out on her own.
The first single off the EP was All The Way Up and it was definitely a rocking anthem but not my kind of rocking, I guess. So I was pleasantly surprised to find I actually like her EP. Love it even. So here are my thoughts on each song:
1. All the Way Up
As I said, this is the first single and while it's a good song to start with but definitely not something that actually lets us know that she's *here*. I mean, we know she's here but not y'know, *HERE*. Nonetheless it's a catchy song once you've had a few listens.
All the way up
All the way down
Never look back
It's time to breakout
I want it my way
I do what I do
I know what I like
And maybe it's you
All the way down
Never look back
It's time to breakout
I want it my way
I do what I do
I know what I like
And maybe it's you
2. Average Girl
From the title alone, I knew that is a song I could relate to. And when I actually gave it a listen, I was like "Yep, definitely can relate to it". Especially the Valentine's Day reference. This is a beautiful song about being so in love and then getting your heart-broken on what should have been the most romantic day and not just that, but also getting it completely stomped on when you see the one you like be with somebody they apparently like better. And kudos on the Angelina lips line (though I still really don't get the appeal).
I give you my heart in a sweet love letter
But you gave it right back said "I like her better"
That's when my whole world came crashing down
And she's walking around like the girl of your dreams
With her Angelina lips, size zero jeans
Can't believe I didn't see this coming around
Shes just so beautiful, I'm just an average girl
But you gave it right back said "I like her better"
That's when my whole world came crashing down
And she's walking around like the girl of your dreams
With her Angelina lips, size zero jeans
Can't believe I didn't see this coming around
Shes just so beautiful, I'm just an average girl
3. Found Out About You
Yet another one I can relate to as well. Though I think it's one we all can relate to, as it's a song about somebody thinking about their ex when they find out their ex has found somebody new. And it's the exact process we all go through. About whether they still think about us, whether they really love the person they're currently with. About whether this new relationship is as good as ours before, or is it better. I like that she didn't go down the ballad route with this song because it does sound pretty good as is.
Tell me why I think about you
And tell me if you think about me
And tell me when you touch her
Is it really love or just another fantasy
And tell me does she make you laugh
And tell me does she make you move
And tell me does she get you
Take away your breath
Just tell me that it can't be true
What I found out about you
And tell me if you think about me
And tell me when you touch her
Is it really love or just another fantasy
And tell me does she make you laugh
And tell me does she make you move
And tell me does she get you
Take away your breath
Just tell me that it can't be true
What I found out about you
4. I Hate the Homecoming Queen
To tell you the truth, the first image I had in my head when I heard that first line "Little short skirt with a big attitude" was Miley Cyrus. Not that I think Emily hates her and is singing about her, it's just that my mind went straight to Miley when I heard the line. And you have to admit that Miley does have a big personality (which is totally not a bad thing seeing as I find it really admirable to know who you are and to not be afraid to be that person). But I'm sure the girls can definitely relate to this, and not really just the Homecoming Queen. We can be a pretty bitchy lot apparently, lol.
Little short skirt with a big attitude
She wants to be a model, wants to be on the tube
Yeah, it's one thing or another
She's trouble trouble
Watch out, if you're near
She could bring you to tears
She's got two boyfriends and three wannabes
They follow her around like she's Aphrodite
She's number one rated but she's already jaded
She's following the trends in her Mercedes Benz
Everyone wants to know her name
Walking down the hall, she's every guys' dream
She wants to be a model, wants to be on the tube
Yeah, it's one thing or another
She's trouble trouble
Watch out, if you're near
She could bring you to tears
She's got two boyfriends and three wannabes
They follow her around like she's Aphrodite
She's number one rated but she's already jaded
She's following the trends in her Mercedes Benz
Everyone wants to know her name
Walking down the hall, she's every guys' dream
5. You're the Only One
I love this song. Now this is one that should have been the first single. The guitar, the drums... The whole fucking rhythm is just delicious. I kind of hope that the songs on her album will be similar to this song than All the Way Up. I think I like this song because it's something I can dance to and sort of rock out to... Seriously, I don't know what it is but I'm really beginning to like songs that get me off my ass, haha. And man, having this song playing in my car makes the drive actually enjoyable.
'Cause you are the only one
who gets me knows me, feels me, hurts me
And you are the only one
Whose close enough to drive me crazy
Frustrate me, complicate me, make it harder than it needs to be
The things that you do and the things that you say
Make me wanna stay
who gets me knows me, feels me, hurts me
And you are the only one
Whose close enough to drive me crazy
Frustrate me, complicate me, make it harder than it needs to be
The things that you do and the things that you say
Make me wanna stay
6. What About Me
This was the first song I gravitated towards when I heard the EP. Mainly because I like turning to the sadder songs in any compilation of songs. And the thing I look for in a sad song is that it gives me that stomach-dropping feeling, and makes my heart clench in pain from having memories of past relationships gone wrong playing in my head. And this song does that. It's about somebody going through the What-Ifs, wondering what happened to the promises that were made, wondering whether the things that were said was real, wondering whether they have been forgotten.
Yeah, definite heart-clencher.
What about you
What about me
What about fairy tale endings
Were you just pretending to be
And I'm wondering
What if we tried
What if I cried
What if its better tomorrow
What if I followed your eyes
I'm wondering
What about me?
What about me
What about fairy tale endings
Were you just pretending to be
And I'm wondering
What if we tried
What if I cried
What if its better tomorrow
What if I followed your eyes
I'm wondering
What about me?
LiGb rating: B+
Sunday, 1 November 2009
The future may be all I really need.
I’ve been in love a few times, but I have only ever truly loved twice. Y’all know about Ashley, but you don’t know about my first. So here I am to tell you about her. I’m not going to say her name because I want to respect her privacy. And also, it still kind of hurts to say her name. Even if it is in a blog.
We met on a forum for a band that we loved at the time. The forum was just starting and friendships were beginning to form. And amongst the many new friends I was making, I met this girl. She was young, god, so young. But she was this unique mixture of mature and childish wonder that I couldn’t help but be taken by her. At first we kept our conversation in the forum, just having fun and making new inside jokes as we went along. But then we started chatting. And I don’t know but somehow we uncovered this huge discovery-bomb that our like for each other went beyond platonic friendship.
I’d like to believe that I loved her with everything I had. She was my first true love. The first one that made every single part of me, feel something. I had been in relationships before her, yeah, but with her, I constantly felt like I was treading new, unfamiliar waters. With my previous relationships, we went straight to being together, but with her, we were friends first. We built a strong connection first, and we deepened it when we realized how much we felt for each other. So I wasn’t just at risk of my heart breaking by a lover, but a friend too. A best friend.
But my heart did get broken. And it was like a freight train; I didn’t see it coming. We were together just two months shy of a year and a half. We broke up a few days before Valentine’s Day. I remember that because the next thing I knew this guy she had been talking about for awhile (yes, I knew he was trouble from the first moment she mentioned his name but she was adamant that she didn’t want him and I trusted her word) asked her to be his Valentine. She says that he was not the reason we broke up. It was a whole mixture of distance, insecurities and other things coming together to make an explosive combination. They were the same reasons we broke up a few times before. But this time, I knew that she really meant it. It was final. It was one of those moments when my brain took over, rather than my heart. And my brain shielded my heart from hurting too much, making the hurt only come out in small spurts rather than a tidal wave. My own defense mechanism.
It has been four years or so since we broke up, and I have been with others. I was in two serious relationships (Amy and Ashley, respectively) in those four years, and they made me happy. I was actually happy, especially with Ashley. But this is the one that still haunts me. To this day my mind, my heart, my soul; they’re still hurting because of it. Of course with the time passing by, the hurt gets less and less when there are newer things to occupy my focus. Her name and the memories of us, good and bad, go to the back of my mind. But when my concentration comes back to it, when there’s something to remind me of her, if I see or hear anything that would inevitably come back to her, everything aches all over again. I get that feeling in my gut; a feeling like I’m on a roller-coaster going up the track and I’m right there at the top, anticipating the fall, and then experiencing it. Like my stomach is empty but there’s something zig-zagging inside.
I’ve been wondering why I find myself thinking about her a lot in the past couple of weeks. Why I had some masochistic urge to look at the remaining pictures of us that I didn’t want to delete. Something about this time of year has been making me more melancholy than usual. A few days ago, I was cleaning out my hard drive, deleting things I didn’t want to keep anymore and I had a folder called Old Memories. I thought, “Why not, maybe there's something I can delete after all this time.” There were chat logs, poems, messages we exchanged... And they were things I hadn't read in so long. But it wasn't as painful as I thought it'd be. So I kept reading. After a time, I then discovered that come 1st November, is our 6th year anniversary. Not that there is anything to celebrate anymore, but it’s still a date when we realized that we loved each other. And love is always something to celebrate, whether found or lost.
I haven’t spoken to my ex, probably in about two-three years. I’m not going to lie; there have been a lot of moments when I miss her so much that I can barely stand it. But I never try to contact her. I think we did our best to be friends… And I think, for about less than a couple of years, we were doing pretty well on the friends thing. I hate to admit this but, even though we were moving on, with other people and what-not, it still hit me hard whenever she would talk about somebody she was with or liked. It hurt every single time (like maybe a pinch, I guess) but she never knew. Or she never gave an indication that she knew. And I was never going to say anything about it because… She seemed happier. And that was all I ever wanted for her. That is all I will ever want for her.
I go through phases thinking about whether we were a mistake; whether I was a mistake to her. Deep down inside, even though I’ll never think of us as a mistake, there is a part of me that knows how truly wrong I was for her. Sure, we loved each other. Our passion seemed so boundless to me. But it was so crazy, y’know? I remember times when I thought to myself about intense it was. And we let that passion rule us. We really were a couple of crazy kids in love. And it made us idealistic, vulnerable and ultimately, naïve.
But I'm not going to apologise, for loving her, or being with her. I loved her the best I could. I made many mistakes and I know there were a lot of times when I was completely unbearable, but I loved her. I hope she knew that.
I don’t know where she is, or whether she is with anybody. I don’t ask the mutual friends that we know, and I will never ask. I don’t think I have the right to even ask anymore. I only hope with all my heart that she is happy, because of all the people I know, that deserve all the happiness in the world; she deserves it, ten-fold and then some.
We met on a forum for a band that we loved at the time. The forum was just starting and friendships were beginning to form. And amongst the many new friends I was making, I met this girl. She was young, god, so young. But she was this unique mixture of mature and childish wonder that I couldn’t help but be taken by her. At first we kept our conversation in the forum, just having fun and making new inside jokes as we went along. But then we started chatting. And I don’t know but somehow we uncovered this huge discovery-bomb that our like for each other went beyond platonic friendship.
I’d like to believe that I loved her with everything I had. She was my first true love. The first one that made every single part of me, feel something. I had been in relationships before her, yeah, but with her, I constantly felt like I was treading new, unfamiliar waters. With my previous relationships, we went straight to being together, but with her, we were friends first. We built a strong connection first, and we deepened it when we realized how much we felt for each other. So I wasn’t just at risk of my heart breaking by a lover, but a friend too. A best friend.
But my heart did get broken. And it was like a freight train; I didn’t see it coming. We were together just two months shy of a year and a half. We broke up a few days before Valentine’s Day. I remember that because the next thing I knew this guy she had been talking about for awhile (yes, I knew he was trouble from the first moment she mentioned his name but she was adamant that she didn’t want him and I trusted her word) asked her to be his Valentine. She says that he was not the reason we broke up. It was a whole mixture of distance, insecurities and other things coming together to make an explosive combination. They were the same reasons we broke up a few times before. But this time, I knew that she really meant it. It was final. It was one of those moments when my brain took over, rather than my heart. And my brain shielded my heart from hurting too much, making the hurt only come out in small spurts rather than a tidal wave. My own defense mechanism.
It has been four years or so since we broke up, and I have been with others. I was in two serious relationships (Amy and Ashley, respectively) in those four years, and they made me happy. I was actually happy, especially with Ashley. But this is the one that still haunts me. To this day my mind, my heart, my soul; they’re still hurting because of it. Of course with the time passing by, the hurt gets less and less when there are newer things to occupy my focus. Her name and the memories of us, good and bad, go to the back of my mind. But when my concentration comes back to it, when there’s something to remind me of her, if I see or hear anything that would inevitably come back to her, everything aches all over again. I get that feeling in my gut; a feeling like I’m on a roller-coaster going up the track and I’m right there at the top, anticipating the fall, and then experiencing it. Like my stomach is empty but there’s something zig-zagging inside.
I’ve been wondering why I find myself thinking about her a lot in the past couple of weeks. Why I had some masochistic urge to look at the remaining pictures of us that I didn’t want to delete. Something about this time of year has been making me more melancholy than usual. A few days ago, I was cleaning out my hard drive, deleting things I didn’t want to keep anymore and I had a folder called Old Memories. I thought, “Why not, maybe there's something I can delete after all this time.” There were chat logs, poems, messages we exchanged... And they were things I hadn't read in so long. But it wasn't as painful as I thought it'd be. So I kept reading. After a time, I then discovered that come 1st November, is our 6th year anniversary. Not that there is anything to celebrate anymore, but it’s still a date when we realized that we loved each other. And love is always something to celebrate, whether found or lost.
I haven’t spoken to my ex, probably in about two-three years. I’m not going to lie; there have been a lot of moments when I miss her so much that I can barely stand it. But I never try to contact her. I think we did our best to be friends… And I think, for about less than a couple of years, we were doing pretty well on the friends thing. I hate to admit this but, even though we were moving on, with other people and what-not, it still hit me hard whenever she would talk about somebody she was with or liked. It hurt every single time (like maybe a pinch, I guess) but she never knew. Or she never gave an indication that she knew. And I was never going to say anything about it because… She seemed happier. And that was all I ever wanted for her. That is all I will ever want for her.
I go through phases thinking about whether we were a mistake; whether I was a mistake to her. Deep down inside, even though I’ll never think of us as a mistake, there is a part of me that knows how truly wrong I was for her. Sure, we loved each other. Our passion seemed so boundless to me. But it was so crazy, y’know? I remember times when I thought to myself about intense it was. And we let that passion rule us. We really were a couple of crazy kids in love. And it made us idealistic, vulnerable and ultimately, naïve.
But I'm not going to apologise, for loving her, or being with her. I loved her the best I could. I made many mistakes and I know there were a lot of times when I was completely unbearable, but I loved her. I hope she knew that.
I don’t know where she is, or whether she is with anybody. I don’t ask the mutual friends that we know, and I will never ask. I don’t think I have the right to even ask anymore. I only hope with all my heart that she is happy, because of all the people I know, that deserve all the happiness in the world; she deserves it, ten-fold and then some.
I loved you like you loved me
Like something pure and holy
Like something that could never be replaced
And it was wonderful
It was magical
It was everything I waited for
A miracle
And if I should ever fall in love again with someone new
It could never be the way
No, it will never be the way
I loved you
Like something pure and holy
Like something that could never be replaced
And it was wonderful
It was magical
It was everything I waited for
A miracle
And if I should ever fall in love again with someone new
It could never be the way
No, it will never be the way
I loved you
Thursday, 22 October 2009
The good, the bad and the ugly.
I have a somewhat love/hate relationship with the internet. In that, I love that it keeps me connected to the friends I left behind. Love knows, I miss them so much. And sometimes I can't grasp the fact that I can't actually text them to let them know we could meet up in the next hour for a drink.
Another thing I love about the internet is blogging. I love to write. And I love to write things that people will read. And I love it when they comment to let me know they understand how I feel. To let me know that they're going through the same thing. It makes me feel less alone in the world.
I also know that too much internet is definitely not good for me. It actually depresses me to have so much information so easily at my finger-tips. It's one really bad addiction because once I know, I want to know more. And that's not the way things should be. Well, maybe what I mean when I say internet, I mean things like Friendster, Facebook, Twitter and Myspace. I have a lot of fond memories when it comes to these social networking sites.
But what I hate about the internet, no sorry, what I truly dislike about the internet is that people can be so cruel without suffering any consequences. While I believe in the freedom of speech, but there is a line between using it and abusing it. People take liberties with what they say and what they do on the internet like it's a completely different world. So they type things without thought and people get hurt and either retaliate or suffer from some serious emotional damage.
It's been a long time brewing really, these thoughts. And since the popularity of Twitter has risen, it makes me even more wary I guess. Even though I love knowing the intricacies of the thoughts belonging to the people I follow, it bugs me somewhat. Like I know them intimately without actually knowing who they are. That's how it is with Facebook too though. That I would get friends request from people that I don't even know. I understand getting friends request from people I went to school with, people who are friends or family. But really, if you're not going to interact with me, then what's the point?
The internet has always been more famous for porn but really, you don't need to take off your clothes to feel naked to the world anymore. In the internet, everybody is naked.
Another thing I love about the internet is blogging. I love to write. And I love to write things that people will read. And I love it when they comment to let me know they understand how I feel. To let me know that they're going through the same thing. It makes me feel less alone in the world.
I also know that too much internet is definitely not good for me. It actually depresses me to have so much information so easily at my finger-tips. It's one really bad addiction because once I know, I want to know more. And that's not the way things should be. Well, maybe what I mean when I say internet, I mean things like Friendster, Facebook, Twitter and Myspace. I have a lot of fond memories when it comes to these social networking sites.
But what I hate about the internet, no sorry, what I truly dislike about the internet is that people can be so cruel without suffering any consequences. While I believe in the freedom of speech, but there is a line between using it and abusing it. People take liberties with what they say and what they do on the internet like it's a completely different world. So they type things without thought and people get hurt and either retaliate or suffer from some serious emotional damage.
It's been a long time brewing really, these thoughts. And since the popularity of Twitter has risen, it makes me even more wary I guess. Even though I love knowing the intricacies of the thoughts belonging to the people I follow, it bugs me somewhat. Like I know them intimately without actually knowing who they are. That's how it is with Facebook too though. That I would get friends request from people that I don't even know. I understand getting friends request from people I went to school with, people who are friends or family. But really, if you're not going to interact with me, then what's the point?
The internet has always been more famous for porn but really, you don't need to take off your clothes to feel naked to the world anymore. In the internet, everybody is naked.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Looking through fish-eye lenses
There's this scene in CSI where Dr Langston (Laurence Fishburne) is talking to Nick (George Eads) and he asks him something, I can't remember what. Something about what he does after work. Then he said that he goes online to look up his favourite movies/books, and then looks at the scathing comments about them.
I have always been fascinated with our masochistic tendencies. The things we do to harm ourselves that for whatever reason, make us feel better. I mean, emotionally rather than physically. Like we train our eyes to keep reading the bad comments and taking it in, when we could just press the damn 'X' and not have to see it. They say it builds character, sure, it does. But where is the point that it stops building and starts destroying? Because it can't just build, and some people just aren't meant to take so much. People have limits to how much criticism they can take.
Miley recently deleted her twitter. She was saying that her friend Liam (I have no idea if they're together but I do know they're friends so I'm sticking with that) told her that she should delete it, with good reason. Understandably, there were those who said that she should, along with some asinine insults. Then there are those who tell her that she shouldn't do something just because her "boyfriend" told her to. And then the ones who tell her that it is up to her whether she wants to delete it or not.
I'm conflicted. Obviously, from my List of 25, you know that I'm a big fan of hers. A part of me hopes that she'll come back. Another part of me is kind of glad that she did it. Even though that part of me also knows that if she did delete it because of the hurtful comments, then it was a useless attempt. Because nobody can stop hurtful comments from coming to you. No matter what you do. For every person that loves you, there will be at least three who don't. It's the way the world works.
This is the thing, people blur the lines between celebrity and artist nowadays. People say that because people got into the acting/singing business, they have to accept the life of media scrutiny. That's the way it is now. But why is it?
Before Twitter, Facebook and Myspace, it was less restricting for anybody to go around. But like I said, we all have some serious masochistic tendencies, deep down inside. No matter how much we say that we don't want it, we do. They don't mind doing interviews and photo-shoots, but they mind when the paparazzo are around. Of course, it's understandable. Who would actually want to have more than a hundred cameras shoved in their face 24/7? And not just that, they even make up stories just to sell their products. It's not the best way to live, is it?
Well, it doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or not now. Cameras are shoved in everybody's faces nowadays. Like we're all heading right crash into a Big Brother world, and we use the words of 'social networking site' to disguise it. There is no privacy. Hollywood is a fishbowl. No wait no, the whole world is a fishbowl.
With Twitter, by making yourself accessible to your fans/friends, you're making yourself accessible to haters/enemies. Roses have thorns, y'know. We can't get the good without the bad too. It'd be too perfect a world if everybody loved each other. And nobody seems to want a perfect world, when everybody seems content to bitch and be jealous of others.
But whatever Miley's reason to delete her twitter may be, I will miss her tweets. The quotes, the song lyrics... The happy and the sad tweets. She's the only one I found easiest to relate to, which is the biggest reason why I became an even bigger fan after I started following her. But it's not like I'll stop being a fan anyway. That'd be dumb, lol. I am just going to wish her well, and hope she enjoys the downtime.
Updated: Miley uploaded a video to why she deleted it and I'm sure a lot of the fans knew that it would be for that reason: that she wants her own privacy and space to live for herself. No drama. And it's the best reason/advice for anybody to take really. Go and liiiiiiiive Miley! Well, not that she's reading my blog or anything but I have faith every positive thought that fans have for her will reach her.
... Unless it's under T-mobile. *badum-pom-posh*
I have always been fascinated with our masochistic tendencies. The things we do to harm ourselves that for whatever reason, make us feel better. I mean, emotionally rather than physically. Like we train our eyes to keep reading the bad comments and taking it in, when we could just press the damn 'X' and not have to see it. They say it builds character, sure, it does. But where is the point that it stops building and starts destroying? Because it can't just build, and some people just aren't meant to take so much. People have limits to how much criticism they can take.
Miley recently deleted her twitter. She was saying that her friend Liam (I have no idea if they're together but I do know they're friends so I'm sticking with that) told her that she should delete it, with good reason. Understandably, there were those who said that she should, along with some asinine insults. Then there are those who tell her that she shouldn't do something just because her "boyfriend" told her to. And then the ones who tell her that it is up to her whether she wants to delete it or not.
I'm conflicted. Obviously, from my List of 25, you know that I'm a big fan of hers. A part of me hopes that she'll come back. Another part of me is kind of glad that she did it. Even though that part of me also knows that if she did delete it because of the hurtful comments, then it was a useless attempt. Because nobody can stop hurtful comments from coming to you. No matter what you do. For every person that loves you, there will be at least three who don't. It's the way the world works.
This is the thing, people blur the lines between celebrity and artist nowadays. People say that because people got into the acting/singing business, they have to accept the life of media scrutiny. That's the way it is now. But why is it?
Before Twitter, Facebook and Myspace, it was less restricting for anybody to go around. But like I said, we all have some serious masochistic tendencies, deep down inside. No matter how much we say that we don't want it, we do. They don't mind doing interviews and photo-shoots, but they mind when the paparazzo are around. Of course, it's understandable. Who would actually want to have more than a hundred cameras shoved in their face 24/7? And not just that, they even make up stories just to sell their products. It's not the best way to live, is it?
Well, it doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or not now. Cameras are shoved in everybody's faces nowadays. Like we're all heading right crash into a Big Brother world, and we use the words of 'social networking site' to disguise it. There is no privacy. Hollywood is a fishbowl. No wait no, the whole world is a fishbowl.
With Twitter, by making yourself accessible to your fans/friends, you're making yourself accessible to haters/enemies. Roses have thorns, y'know. We can't get the good without the bad too. It'd be too perfect a world if everybody loved each other. And nobody seems to want a perfect world, when everybody seems content to bitch and be jealous of others.
But whatever Miley's reason to delete her twitter may be, I will miss her tweets. The quotes, the song lyrics... The happy and the sad tweets. She's the only one I found easiest to relate to, which is the biggest reason why I became an even bigger fan after I started following her. But it's not like I'll stop being a fan anyway. That'd be dumb, lol. I am just going to wish her well, and hope she enjoys the downtime.
Updated: Miley uploaded a video to why she deleted it and I'm sure a lot of the fans knew that it would be for that reason: that she wants her own privacy and space to live for herself. No drama. And it's the best reason/advice for anybody to take really. Go and liiiiiiiive Miley! Well, not that she's reading my blog or anything but I have faith every positive thought that fans have for her will reach her.
... Unless it's under T-mobile. *badum-pom-posh*
Friday, 28 August 2009
Angry blog... Shield yourselves.
I'll be letting this go after this post. I just need to get this out right now.
So you do something nice for me. So I don't say thank you. So you happen to get me on my off day. It's not an excuse but then there shouldn't any excuse for you to make me feel I'm a horrible person. Like I should be murdered or something.
Look, here's my thank you now.
Thank you for making me feel about so big. Thank you for making me realize that traveling thousands of miles, shifting everything around to suit your need, was pretty much a wasted effort. Thank you for letting know me exactly where I rank in your life. I get that you have more important things to think/worry about, but I never expected that I would feel like less. You, of all people. I never would have thought you'd be the one but so there, thank you for making me feel like less.
I don't fucking need this. I don't need my friends holding something over my head just because they did something nice to/for me. So what, you do something nice for me and I'm automatically indebted to you? Like I owe you something back?
No bullshitting because I know this as fact, I do a lot of nice things for my friends. I never expect them to thank me. I do it because I either want to or they asked me. I don't want anything back from them. If they feel obligated to do so, I'm not going to stop them. That's my biggest issue from this ordeal. That they're not even willing to give me a free pass for slipping once.
I don't get this whole thing of doing something for somebody just because they did something for you first. And if you don't do anything about it, you end up feeling guilty about it every time you see this other person. I don't get that. Why should you feel guilty? People should do things for other people because they want to, out of the kindness in their hearts. Not because they want to get a fucking thank you. Getting a thank you should not even be a goal.
I'm rolling my eyes in annoyance, just so you know.
I'm out.
So you do something nice for me. So I don't say thank you. So you happen to get me on my off day. It's not an excuse but then there shouldn't any excuse for you to make me feel I'm a horrible person. Like I should be murdered or something.
Look, here's my thank you now.
Thank you for making me feel about so big. Thank you for making me realize that traveling thousands of miles, shifting everything around to suit your need, was pretty much a wasted effort. Thank you for letting know me exactly where I rank in your life. I get that you have more important things to think/worry about, but I never expected that I would feel like less. You, of all people. I never would have thought you'd be the one but so there, thank you for making me feel like less.
I don't fucking need this. I don't need my friends holding something over my head just because they did something nice to/for me. So what, you do something nice for me and I'm automatically indebted to you? Like I owe you something back?
No bullshitting because I know this as fact, I do a lot of nice things for my friends. I never expect them to thank me. I do it because I either want to or they asked me. I don't want anything back from them. If they feel obligated to do so, I'm not going to stop them. That's my biggest issue from this ordeal. That they're not even willing to give me a free pass for slipping once.
I don't get this whole thing of doing something for somebody just because they did something for you first. And if you don't do anything about it, you end up feeling guilty about it every time you see this other person. I don't get that. Why should you feel guilty? People should do things for other people because they want to, out of the kindness in their hearts. Not because they want to get a fucking thank you. Getting a thank you should not even be a goal.
I'm rolling my eyes in annoyance, just so you know.
I'm out.
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
My final week
So, we begin with Saturday the 18th July. As soon as we arrived at King's Cross, and after saying goodbye to both James and Adam, I taxied over to Paddington. I thought I was pressed for time but when I arrived, all the trains were delayed involving a fatality in Southall. But I eventually got on the train to Plymouth and met with my sister and her landlord who offered to help drive us to the house.
We had Domino's pizza that first night, and man, did I miss the taste of the garlic pizza bread. And also, I greatly enjoyed the very fast broadband. As opposed to now, when the internet keeps getting cut off every few minutes. I was really spoiled, lol.
On the Sunday, I think we stayed in, so that was a nice lazy day when I got to catch up on my laundry. I have to say that I even miss the smell of newly laundered clothes using Persil, haha. Or was it Ariel? I don't remember now.
On Monday, we went to have breakfast at Wetherspoon's with my sister's friends. After that, we went to the town centre where our first stop was March Hair, for my hair appointment. Got my hair highlighted red (again), and cut to a proper style, FINALLY.
And shit, it only cost me 65 frikkin' quid. The cut looks good, and so do the highlights. Yay!
Did some shopping, went to Starbucks for a late lunch. Went to Tesco to get some burger buns for our dinner. Then proceeded to wait for a very, very long time for our bus back to the house.
Tuesday, we stayed in for most of the day, apart from when I had to go to the bank to finally deposit the massive amount of money I had been carrying for the past week and a half, lol.
Wednesday, got on the train to London. Checked in my hotel in Paddington called Indigo Hotel. It's fairly new since it wasn't there last year, and I have to say that it definitely deserves the four-star rating that it has next to its name. My room was small, yes, but damn, the bed was fucking delicious. And the shower, my god, the shower! I wanted to bring it back with me, lol. After I was done checking in, I went back to the station to head to Bristol where I would meet my college friend, Roxanne, her boyfriend (who on first meeting, gave me a strong hug... Major points there dude) and her newborn baby (absolutely gorgeous). We went to have dinner at this Chinese restaurant. Delicious food. VERY filling, lol. Then I stayed the night so I didn't have to rush back or anything.
It was so good to see Roxanne. I think the last time I saw her was early last year. It boggles my mind how things change in the course of a year. And I adore her baby. I foresee myself spoiling that baby in the future, lol.
Thursday morning, I got an early train back to London, where I got changed, had some breakfast, then left for Victoria to get the train to Brighton. Where I would meet another college friend, Joy. I swear the first time I saw Joy, I was thinking how people change over time. She reminded me of this 50's poster where the woman was flexing her arm, wearing that bandanna around her head, you know what I'm talking about? She walked towards me looking like a part of the Pink Ladies, but I have to say that it definitely suits her. She looked good.
We had a good lunch, after which Joy proceeded to pay the bill (because she owed me 10quid from the last time we hung out, two years ago) in pound coins, using her tips from the previous week. Then we had a walk around... Joy took me to Primark so she could buy some underwear, lol. We also went to the Pier because Joy wanted to play in the arcade. I know it's been awhile since I've been there but the arcade areas really looked kind of desolate. Well, there were still people but, much less than I expected as it is the summer holidays and all.
A few hours later, I got on the train back to London, where I finally slept in my hotel bed. I think it's a Queen size bed, and there were a bunch of pillows on it. Not that I actually needed them but man, talk about sweet, sweet comfort Batman.
Friday morning, I stayed in bed and watched some TV. Then had a shower, got ready for my lunch date with another college friend, also my former roomie, Carmen. We were meeting for her lunch hour so we made a date to meet near where she works. We got caught up and everything, and she also volunteered to help me with the shopping on the Saturday. I told her that I was going shopping and that I'd have to go to Selfridges, a place where I had never been in all the time I had been in London, lol. So I was glad that she was willing to help.
After lunch, I went to Borders and HMV. Borders in Oxford Street is closing down, and all the books were just everywhere and that was the first time I ever felt lost in there, lol. Got a few DVDs and I didn't buy any books in Borders. I just couldn't find any of the books I wanted, lol. So I headed back to the hotel to just recharge and get ready for my dinner with a friend I met through my cousin. We had a good time and everything. We would have gone out for a drink but we were both so tired, she from work, and me just from everything, so we left it at that. And I know this might sound surprising but we actually talked business over dinner and I told her I'd think about going into business with her and some of her other friends.
Saturday, my final day. I started early with the shopping, like 9 early. And that might not sound early to you, but to me, 9 AM shopping is just ridiculous. But at 9, I went. I was going to meet Carmen around 12.30 so I decided that the morning shopping would be shopping for me, like new clothes and such. I went to Primark because I didn't want to pay ridiculous amounts of money for some everyday wear. I got done around 11, which is when I headed back to the hotel to dump the bags. I gave myself about half an hour rest before heading back out to Selfridges.
We went to the foodcourt so Carmen could have lunch but after that, I think we pretty much went to every place that Selfridges had, lol. Did more window shopping than actual shopping. It wasn't too horrible an experience, but it's definitely not something I'd willingly repeat. I finally bought some books when we stopped at Waterstones. Bought only three, even though the books I wanted still weren't there at all. Lamefully.
We said goodbye around 4.30 as Carmen was going off to see her friend and I wanted to head back to the hotel and try get started on packing. I was going to meet a university friend, Harriet. We were going to meet some place near her house but I thought it was just too far and I was way tired. She suggested to meet somewhere in the middle, so we met at Charing Cross, bought some Starbucks dinner and ate it in Trafalgar Square. We had an awesome talk, catching up and everything. We saw a big dude, doing some Michael Jackson moves. And then we saw a group of teenagers, break-dancing. It was a very beautiful night in London. We started walking around, decided to walk through Soho. I think next time I come visit, we're definitely going clubbing together, or something.
It was around midnight when we called it a night and got on the bus to head back to our respective places. I finished up my packing around 1, and went straight to sleep.
Sunday morning, I checked out of the hotel early, got my deposit back, then left for Heathrow. I checked in pretty early, went straight to the departure lounge. I had some breakfast and then did some last minute magazine purchases as per requested. The flight to Singapore was pretty smooth, and I enjoyed the many movies that was available to me. I tried sleeping, and I think I got to sleep for a good two-three hours before my ass decided that it was just too restless and in pain to sleep. The flight back here was not as smooth. I slept in the first 45 minutes on the plane then my ass decided once again that it was in pain. Seriously, who designed those airplane seats? I don't care about leg room. Leg room doesn't matter if you feel like you're sleeping on a log.
So here I am, back where I never wanted to be (I'll lament on this in a different post, too tired now to write more, lol). I'm feeling fine, no swine flu whatsoever. But it's only my second day. Oh, and my sleeping pattern has gone to shits. I slept my afternoon and night away yesterday. Woke up at midnight and stayed awake for the rest of the time. And here it is, quarter to 10 in the morning, and I'm still pretty awake. But I am also quarantined.
At least I have the new DVDs to watch.
We had Domino's pizza that first night, and man, did I miss the taste of the garlic pizza bread. And also, I greatly enjoyed the very fast broadband. As opposed to now, when the internet keeps getting cut off every few minutes. I was really spoiled, lol.
On the Sunday, I think we stayed in, so that was a nice lazy day when I got to catch up on my laundry. I have to say that I even miss the smell of newly laundered clothes using Persil, haha. Or was it Ariel? I don't remember now.
On Monday, we went to have breakfast at Wetherspoon's with my sister's friends. After that, we went to the town centre where our first stop was March Hair, for my hair appointment. Got my hair highlighted red (again), and cut to a proper style, FINALLY.
And shit, it only cost me 65 frikkin' quid. The cut looks good, and so do the highlights. Yay!
Did some shopping, went to Starbucks for a late lunch. Went to Tesco to get some burger buns for our dinner. Then proceeded to wait for a very, very long time for our bus back to the house.
Tuesday, we stayed in for most of the day, apart from when I had to go to the bank to finally deposit the massive amount of money I had been carrying for the past week and a half, lol.
Wednesday, got on the train to London. Checked in my hotel in Paddington called Indigo Hotel. It's fairly new since it wasn't there last year, and I have to say that it definitely deserves the four-star rating that it has next to its name. My room was small, yes, but damn, the bed was fucking delicious. And the shower, my god, the shower! I wanted to bring it back with me, lol. After I was done checking in, I went back to the station to head to Bristol where I would meet my college friend, Roxanne, her boyfriend (who on first meeting, gave me a strong hug... Major points there dude) and her newborn baby (absolutely gorgeous). We went to have dinner at this Chinese restaurant. Delicious food. VERY filling, lol. Then I stayed the night so I didn't have to rush back or anything.
It was so good to see Roxanne. I think the last time I saw her was early last year. It boggles my mind how things change in the course of a year. And I adore her baby. I foresee myself spoiling that baby in the future, lol.
Thursday morning, I got an early train back to London, where I got changed, had some breakfast, then left for Victoria to get the train to Brighton. Where I would meet another college friend, Joy. I swear the first time I saw Joy, I was thinking how people change over time. She reminded me of this 50's poster where the woman was flexing her arm, wearing that bandanna around her head, you know what I'm talking about? She walked towards me looking like a part of the Pink Ladies, but I have to say that it definitely suits her. She looked good.
We had a good lunch, after which Joy proceeded to pay the bill (because she owed me 10quid from the last time we hung out, two years ago) in pound coins, using her tips from the previous week. Then we had a walk around... Joy took me to Primark so she could buy some underwear, lol. We also went to the Pier because Joy wanted to play in the arcade. I know it's been awhile since I've been there but the arcade areas really looked kind of desolate. Well, there were still people but, much less than I expected as it is the summer holidays and all.
A few hours later, I got on the train back to London, where I finally slept in my hotel bed. I think it's a Queen size bed, and there were a bunch of pillows on it. Not that I actually needed them but man, talk about sweet, sweet comfort Batman.
Friday morning, I stayed in bed and watched some TV. Then had a shower, got ready for my lunch date with another college friend, also my former roomie, Carmen. We were meeting for her lunch hour so we made a date to meet near where she works. We got caught up and everything, and she also volunteered to help me with the shopping on the Saturday. I told her that I was going shopping and that I'd have to go to Selfridges, a place where I had never been in all the time I had been in London, lol. So I was glad that she was willing to help.
After lunch, I went to Borders and HMV. Borders in Oxford Street is closing down, and all the books were just everywhere and that was the first time I ever felt lost in there, lol. Got a few DVDs and I didn't buy any books in Borders. I just couldn't find any of the books I wanted, lol. So I headed back to the hotel to just recharge and get ready for my dinner with a friend I met through my cousin. We had a good time and everything. We would have gone out for a drink but we were both so tired, she from work, and me just from everything, so we left it at that. And I know this might sound surprising but we actually talked business over dinner and I told her I'd think about going into business with her and some of her other friends.
Saturday, my final day. I started early with the shopping, like 9 early. And that might not sound early to you, but to me, 9 AM shopping is just ridiculous. But at 9, I went. I was going to meet Carmen around 12.30 so I decided that the morning shopping would be shopping for me, like new clothes and such. I went to Primark because I didn't want to pay ridiculous amounts of money for some everyday wear. I got done around 11, which is when I headed back to the hotel to dump the bags. I gave myself about half an hour rest before heading back out to Selfridges.
We went to the foodcourt so Carmen could have lunch but after that, I think we pretty much went to every place that Selfridges had, lol. Did more window shopping than actual shopping. It wasn't too horrible an experience, but it's definitely not something I'd willingly repeat. I finally bought some books when we stopped at Waterstones. Bought only three, even though the books I wanted still weren't there at all. Lamefully.
We said goodbye around 4.30 as Carmen was going off to see her friend and I wanted to head back to the hotel and try get started on packing. I was going to meet a university friend, Harriet. We were going to meet some place near her house but I thought it was just too far and I was way tired. She suggested to meet somewhere in the middle, so we met at Charing Cross, bought some Starbucks dinner and ate it in Trafalgar Square. We had an awesome talk, catching up and everything. We saw a big dude, doing some Michael Jackson moves. And then we saw a group of teenagers, break-dancing. It was a very beautiful night in London. We started walking around, decided to walk through Soho. I think next time I come visit, we're definitely going clubbing together, or something.
It was around midnight when we called it a night and got on the bus to head back to our respective places. I finished up my packing around 1, and went straight to sleep.
Sunday morning, I checked out of the hotel early, got my deposit back, then left for Heathrow. I checked in pretty early, went straight to the departure lounge. I had some breakfast and then did some last minute magazine purchases as per requested. The flight to Singapore was pretty smooth, and I enjoyed the many movies that was available to me. I tried sleeping, and I think I got to sleep for a good two-three hours before my ass decided that it was just too restless and in pain to sleep. The flight back here was not as smooth. I slept in the first 45 minutes on the plane then my ass decided once again that it was in pain. Seriously, who designed those airplane seats? I don't care about leg room. Leg room doesn't matter if you feel like you're sleeping on a log.
So here I am, back where I never wanted to be (I'll lament on this in a different post, too tired now to write more, lol). I'm feeling fine, no swine flu whatsoever. But it's only my second day. Oh, and my sleeping pattern has gone to shits. I slept my afternoon and night away yesterday. Woke up at midnight and stayed awake for the rest of the time. And here it is, quarter to 10 in the morning, and I'm still pretty awake. But I am also quarantined.
At least I have the new DVDs to watch.
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